Who will hose the blood drive?

Blood Donors Beware!

Man, we tried to do good, but we got hosed!



Feel free to add your own commentary and/or one-liners in the comments.

Save the Apostrophe!

As you know, the war on the apostrophe in Britain has forced many innocent apostrophes into hiding. As a result of a dwindling population, the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to the English Language (SPoCttEL) declared the apostrophe an endangered species in 2008.

Lab studies show that this sharp decline disrupts the fragile balance of the English language. If ignored, the apostrophe will be extinct by 2020. Grammarians predict a subsequent breakdown of the entire language structure.

SPoCttEL has formed a coalition with concerned speakers, readers and writers of America to prevent the same fate here while there is still time.

With your help, the pro-apostrophe campaign can make a difference.

This disturbing image shows the apostrophe blatantly missing from its natural habitat (between the h and the s on healths).

Missing apostrophes such as these are forced into dangerous territory in such plural words as pea's, carrot's, shoe's and water's. There, they disrupt the homeostasis of the environment before withering and dying.

What can you do?

We at SPoCttEL encourage concerned citizens to save such apostrophes from certain death and reintroduce them into their natural habitats. Spread the word--be a voice for the voiceless!

Please do your part in protecting the apostrophe--for the children.

Take action today, for apostrophe's sake.

It's All Well and Good

This ad demonstrates a common error with well and good. Good is an adjective and adjectives are used to describe nouns. Well is an adverb and is used to modify a verb.

In case I lost you with the parts of speech talk, think of it this way: you can have a good thing (noun) but an action (verb) is done well.

I slept (verb) well.
I had a good sleep (noun).

I am doing (verb) well today.
I had a good day (noun).

But the question I know you're really asking is if those suspendease they're advertising actually work "good" and well, I just don't know.

Out of Meet

Often, I discuss commonly confused words--words that have multiple spellings or meanings that are used incorrectly. I hesitate to call this one "common" though, so we'll just stick with confused.

If Grammar Were a Bear

I hear it all the time: "Grammar is such a bear!"

Now, if grammar actually were a bear, he wouldn't be an intimidating beast to be feared, or alas--hated. He'd be a Smokey-the-Bear type with a brown hat, fuzzy fur and retracted claws. He'd bear frequent slips in informal communication with patience and tip his hat to the most refined speakers and the slang users alike. He'd offer to bear the grammatical burden of his friend if the load got too heavy.

And occasionally, he'd step in to correct commonly confused words, thereby preventing language fires. So if Mike Boyd and Tex Stuart (of the above article) did "bear all in the name of entrepreneurial inspiration," he'd applaud their endurance. But if they did in fact, bare all, he'd gently request that they refrain.

Thank you, Jill, for the contribution.

Commonly Confused Words: It's versus Its

All right, blog followers, let's discuss one of the more confusing (and yet still simple) nuances of the English language: the difference between its and it's.

I understand where the confusion comes from. It seems counter intuitive that the dog chews its bone (not it's bone) since we've always been taught that the apostrophe indicates ownership. Isn't it the dog's bone? I hear ya, believe me, but trust your geeky friend on this one and go with this rule:

it is=it's
it has= it's


Use its for everything else. That's all there is to it.

So for the quote above, do you see the problem? It got it's right the second time, but the first its should be it's too.

Grammar Wall of Shame: Per cent or Percent?

There are several percentages here. But if we follow their pattern, there are several per cent ages. Yikes.

I'm pretty sure the average reader on ZDNet is as fluent in HTML code as I am in English, so I'm going to give them a break on this one. They can stick with computer geekiness and I'll stick with language geekiness.

Note--geekiness is technically not a word but one of my favorite rules of language is that when you know the rules, you can break them for stylistic reasons. Plus, it gets me off the hook when I make mistakes. Always a plus.

Note two--I used the Paint program for the first time for the photo included here. Shazam! Watch out, ZDNet!

8 Miles Every Day (everyday error)

A headline in this video says "Over 34 Years, 8 Miles Everyday."

And then this one: I see this mistake all the time (every day, it seems). Yes, it's an everyday occurrence. So I'll tell you the rule here again:

If you can substitute each day then it should be two words.
--Please use this word correctly every day.

*If it modifies a noun, it should be one word.
Join this campaign of everyday people and use these words correctly.
I know I'm only one woman, but I believe that everyday folks can make a difference.

Scrutiny (skrōōt'n-ē): the act of examining something closely

So I was reading CNN this morning...scutinizing it, you might say, when I came across a story with an ironic grammatical gem: "Drew Peterson found himself under media and police scutiny after..."

Though no definition for scutiny can be found at dictionary.com, one definition for scrutiny is "the act of examining something closely (as for mistakes)."

Despite many strongly-worded petitions, there is still not a law on the books against grammatical errors in mainstream news outlets, so we'll let the police off the hook on this one. I do hope, however, that the media scrutiny into this case was a bit more rigorous than the effort that went into spell checking this caption.

Smoke Sausage

I just want to know how they get the smoke to stay in the shape of a sausage.

Feed Um

Um?

Open How Often?

I laughed so hard I cried. And then I just cried.

** K.L--thank you for the submission.

Buttercup's Dairy Story

It's not every day that you see a cow getting milked at the library.

But yesterday, when I met Lucille the cow, was one of those days. While I was there, I picked up some literature on Buttercup (a different cow) and her dairy story.

It provided yet another example of everyday misuse: "The dairy farm family works long hours everyday of the year to care for their cows and their land."

As a refresher:
Every day describes how often. If you can substitute each day, use two words.
Everyday is an adjective. If you're describing a noun, use one word.

I'm not knocking Buttercup's people, I mean, even the president's people messed this one up.

Turn Around

An article on CNN states that "We will not turnaround this economy until we start to turn around housing."

Turnaround is a noun, turn around is an action. In this case, they got it right the second time around. It's the same pattern with workout and work out. One word is a noun: a good workout. Two words indicate an action: I'm going to go work out.

There are lots of words like this--words that mean one thing as one word and something else entirely as two words. It's really not fair, I know, but it's true.

Thankfully, the words from a song by Jonny Lang apply to editing and writing as well as to life: "The choices you make might be mistakes, but it's never too late to turn around."

"Crazy" Quotations

So, according to this sign "Popeyes" may or may not be the name of the establishment (should I be worried?) and they may or may not "open" at "10."

And maybe they never really "close" but I'm not so sure. And their "dining room" is apparently a dining room in name only.

Need I go on?

Maybe "Popeye's" should fix the sign and remove some of the ambiguity of the message.

Just a "thought."

The Queen's English or English in Queens?

Good ole' England is in the throes of a battle regarding the apostrophe.

An article called Its a catastrophe for the apostrophe in Britain (see what they did there?) explains that Birmingham's transport scrutiny committee (yes, that's for real) has settled the decades-old debate by removing apostrophes from street names and public places (like St. Pauls Square) saying they are confusing and unnecessary.

I beg to differ. Removing the apostrophe is what causes confusion. Even my spellchecker recognizes that St. Pauls Square is probably not a place with multiple Pauls and suggests an apostrophe. Some purists agree with my spellchecker and me and have engaged in public campaigns to insist that the helpful little apostrophe remain.

Take some time to understand the little chap, we say, and let him remain in his rightful place.

If you don't, you may find yourself wondering if you're speaking the Queen's English or English in Queens.

**Thank you, mama, for sending the article.

The Discerning Pet

My favorite product from yesterday's post states in its description that it is "for only the most descerning of canines."

Maybe they should hire these "descerning" dogs to check their spelling. Their "moms" could probably use a little extra cash.

Just Some Things on My Mind

A friend came to me after she read Turn Around with some things on her mind. She said, "Something's bothering me! Why does my spellchecker always try to add an apostrophe in somethings? What if I just want to talk about more than one thing?"

This is another case of a word meaning something entirely different as two words:

*something's=something has or something is:
Something's been on my mind all day.
Something's troubling me about your grammar.

some things=more than one thing:
Some things in life that just don't matter. Grammar is not among them.

Relax, let's just talk.

Over the years, I've gained quite the reputation as a stickler on grammar. I have bolstered that reputation by using my blog to rail on such things as misplaced apostrophes, typos and commonly confused words.

Sadly, friends express self consciousness in their emails and in conversations with me--no matter how much I insist that mistakes don't bother me a bit in casual communication and that I make grammatical missteps too (seriously, I do).

I often ask for help from two people who know more grammar than me (the same two people who knew automatically that I should have said they "know more grammar than I"). And I also start sentences with and, but and because. I stubbornly leave out commas and end sentences in prepositions. And sentence fragments? I love 'em.

So relax--no need to walk on grammatical eggshells around me.

With that said, if you start writing for the Dining and Wine section of the New York Times and say that the third coarse had too much course salt or that the red potatoes were heavy on the time and didn't come out in a reasonable thyme, I will make an example out of you.

Between in Between?

Where exactly is between in between?

Since the group has contact information on its website, I sent an email and gave a fair chance to fix this particular error before posting it. Oh well.