A hospital wedding

She is 24 years old and got married in a hospital gown and compression stockings last Monday.

I don't know the patient's name and wouldn't use it even if I did, but a nurse friend told me about a courtyard wedding at her hospital. We'll call the patient Lucia and her partner Eli. Below are the bits and pieces of the story that my friend picked up along the way:

Lucia came into the hospital just before her wedding date. She felt sick and needed to undergo some tests. On the week she and Eli were supposed to be on their honeymoon enjoying their brand-new union, Lucia was stuck in the hospital with a brand-new leukemia diagnosis instead.

My friend first heard of Lucia from a doctor who relayed the advice she'd given: don't get married when your prognosis is likely death.

But on Monday, when my friend saw a bunch of people in the courtyard, she realized that Lucia didn't take the doctor's advice. My friend offered to help decorate and to call her husband (a professional photographer) if they needed him. They did.

He rounded up a last-minute babysitter and showed up for the ceremony, camera in hand. He said that of all the weddings he's ever done, this 20-minute ceremony stands out as the sweetest.

The photographer choked up as he told me that he had captured the look on Eli's face when he said, through his own tears, "Until death do us part."

Lucia left the courtyard the same way she entered--in a hospital gown, compression stockings, and a wheelchair.

It's all Greek *style* to me

The gods have not been favorable to me.

After trying it at a friend's house, I was highly impressed by the honey and strawberry yogurt from the "Greek Gods" brand. I later saw it at my own grocery store and, even though it was expensive (right on par, per ounce, with the organic brands), I justified the purchase by thinking of all the benefits of Greek yogurt. In addition to its rich, creamy texture, the nutrients are highly concentrated, with the most notable benefit being a much higher protein content than regular yogurt.

I was happy with my purchase until, on a whim, I decided to compare my new favorite product with a Drumstick ice cream cone. The fat and sugar comparison blew me away.

Yogurt: 15 grams of fat, 36 grams of sugar.
Drumstick: 18 grams of fat, 21 grams of sugar.

Whoa, I thought, I guess I'll have to think of it like eating ice cream with protein. But then I noticed the protein content was 8 grams per cup, which was less than the regular old Dannon yogurt right beside it.

It was all very puzzling and disturbing to me so I kept looking at the package until an ominous word I hadn't noticed suddenly popped off the package: style.

Yes, it says "Greek Yogurt" in big letters and then right after that, in smaller letters, it says "style."

Greek yogurt STYLE????

No wonder it doesn't have the protein that Greek yogurt has. It's NOT Greek yogurt!

I am left now shaking my fists at the Greek Gods, cursing their natural-looking packaging and deceitful ways.

Lessons learned:

*Read the label (yes, that was my bad).
*If it's packaged like Greek yogurt, priced like Greek yogurt, and called Greek yogurt *style,* it may as well be a Drumstick.

Who will hose the blood drive?

Blood Donors Beware!

Man, we tried to do good, but we got hosed!



Feel free to add your own commentary and/or one-liners in the comments.

Out with the stitches, in with the expert

I had stitches removed yesterday…from my mouth…while leaning on the kitchen island and tilting my head under hanging pendant lights.

See, I’m away from home and will be gone throughout the entire acceptable window of time to have the sutures removed. Plus, they were beginning to rub the surrounding areas raw. After having bizarre dreams about the cause of my discomfort, I finally decided it was time to take matters (and cuticle trimmers) into my own hands.

I thought the clippers would be the most appropriate tool for the job. I was wrong.

Though they seemed small enough and were certainly sharp enough, I found that they became quite big and bulky inside the mouth—the tip wasn’t slender enough to get under the thread and I nicked the already tender area with the sharp tip.

I needed help and I needed an expert. So I called my dear dental hygienist friend. Her reply? “Sure thing—we’ll need slender nail scissors and a good pair of tweezers.”

Moral of the story: When you’re looking for a contractor or service provider, look for someone who understands what you want to accomplish and how to get there. I felt confident and secure in her hands because she felt confident and secure.

Moral 2: I have great friends.

What dentists and mechanics have in common

My mom dusts with old t-shirts and stops just short of retiring those same shirts-turned-rags into cloth paper for scrapbooking. She is the most resourceful person I know and she passed the quality on to me.


I love a good deal as much as the next gal, but sometimes, price means very little to me. Like when it comes to body parts. Unlike lizards, who can re-grow tails, we humans don't get second chances with limbs, eyes, or teeth. That's why price is near the bottom of the list as I consider where to get Lasik surgery.

I now see dental care the same way. Until I had to have something major done, I didn't think much of it—I just trusted them to do their thing and send me on my way. So when I moved, I chose the convenience of someone nearby. But now, after nearly a year of issues and unanswered questions, I’m returning to my trusted care provider—3.5 hours away.

My clients say the same about their writing projects, especially if they’ve had iffy experiences. While they may get lower bids, they’ll pay more to know that they’re getting a quality product that matches their voice or brand.

I now have the same uneasy feeling at the dentist as I do at the mechanic—the one that says I might be getting taken advantage of and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

I'll pay a premium to avoid that. I'll drive across state lines and take a full day out of my life just to feel secure that my dentist (or mechanic) knows what he's doing, can give me honest answers, and is looking out for my best interest.

And that’s exactly the peace of mind I strive to provide my own clients.

Moxie (and other words to love and live by)

Moxie, chutzpah, verve, spunk, vigor, zest.

It's no coincidence that many of my favorite words are synonyms for each other. These words have it all: They're fun to write, they're even more fun to say and hear, and they offer a good way to approach life and work.

Other words that delight include the following: dash, noodle, nosh, schmaltzy, hoopla, noob (if you're gonna be a noob, just go at it with some moxie and you'll be fine), spoonerism (transposing sounds in wair of pords), woozy, and frolic (anytime you can frolic, I say go for it).

The ones I'm not especially fond of include chunk (and by extension, chunky and chunkster); stew; moist; plop; snout; and all words that describe the act or the end product of vomiting.

Plop a moist pig snout in my chunky stew. Go ahead, say it out loud. I dare you. I just did. Now I'm going to go blow chunks.

Any delightful/repulsive words you want to add to list?

Save the Apostrophe!

As you know, the war on the apostrophe in Britain has forced many innocent apostrophes into hiding. As a result of a dwindling population, the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to the English Language (SPoCttEL) declared the apostrophe an endangered species in 2008.

Lab studies show that this sharp decline disrupts the fragile balance of the English language. If ignored, the apostrophe will be extinct by 2020. Grammarians predict a subsequent breakdown of the entire language structure.

SPoCttEL has formed a coalition with concerned speakers, readers and writers of America to prevent the same fate here while there is still time.

With your help, the pro-apostrophe campaign can make a difference.

This disturbing image shows the apostrophe blatantly missing from its natural habitat (between the h and the s on healths).

Missing apostrophes such as these are forced into dangerous territory in such plural words as pea's, carrot's, shoe's and water's. There, they disrupt the homeostasis of the environment before withering and dying.

What can you do?

We at SPoCttEL encourage concerned citizens to save such apostrophes from certain death and reintroduce them into their natural habitats. Spread the word--be a voice for the voiceless!

Please do your part in protecting the apostrophe--for the children.

Take action today, for apostrophe's sake.

Content sharing: get your voice heard

Dan Zarrella spent two years collecting and analyzing data and put together his best practices for the best days and times for tweeting, facebook posting, blog posts, emails, etc.

Frontline Ink will be using this information to increase value for our clients' blog posts, e-newsletters, tweets and more.

See some of the highlights below or listen to the complete webinar here.

Dan opens with a concept called "contra-competitive timing,” which basically says that when the noise dies down, your voice is more likely to be heard.

Twitter:

• Most re-tweetable hours are between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m.
• Click-through rates are highest on Saturdays and Sunday, and lowest on Mondays and Thursdays
• Tweet content frequently, just use varying language. For example, tweet the title, then use a pull quote, then tweet with a new pull quote. But...
  
• When you're sharing your own info, give some time between tweets

Facebook

• Weekends are best for Facebook sharing

Email

• Open rates are higher on weekends and early mornings
  
• Click-through rates are higher on weekends

Blogging

• Know your audience: men are more likely to read at night, and women are more likely to read in the morning
• People are more likely to read your blog during the week, but more likely to post on Facebook on the weekend
• Posts that go up around 10 a.m. or 11 a.m. get the most views, but comments spike on weekends
• Links (which help SEO) tend to be highest on Monday and Thursdays
• To increase links, publish early in the morning
• Blog a ton! The more you blog, the more views you get

It's All Well and Good

This ad demonstrates a common error with well and good. Good is an adjective and adjectives are used to describe nouns. Well is an adverb and is used to modify a verb.

In case I lost you with the parts of speech talk, think of it this way: you can have a good thing (noun) but an action (verb) is done well.

I slept (verb) well.
I had a good sleep (noun).

I am doing (verb) well today.
I had a good day (noun).

But the question I know you're really asking is if those suspendease they're advertising actually work "good" and well, I just don't know.

Spelling Tips

If you're in need of a little humbling, take this quiz on 25 commonly misspelled words.

Then, if you find out you need a little help, check out these spelling tips from a former spelling champion.

Out of Meet

Often, I discuss commonly confused words--words that have multiple spellings or meanings that are used incorrectly. I hesitate to call this one "common" though, so we'll just stick with confused.

If Grammar Were a Bear

I hear it all the time: "Grammar is such a bear!"

Now, if grammar actually were a bear, he wouldn't be an intimidating beast to be feared, or alas--hated. He'd be a Smokey-the-Bear type with a brown hat, fuzzy fur and retracted claws. He'd bear frequent slips in informal communication with patience and tip his hat to the most refined speakers and the slang users alike. He'd offer to bear the grammatical burden of his friend if the load got too heavy.

And occasionally, he'd step in to correct commonly confused words, thereby preventing language fires. So if Mike Boyd and Tex Stuart (of the above article) did "bear all in the name of entrepreneurial inspiration," he'd applaud their endurance. But if they did in fact, bare all, he'd gently request that they refrain.

Thank you, Jill, for the contribution.

Commonly Confused Words: It's versus Its

All right, blog followers, let's discuss one of the more confusing (and yet still simple) nuances of the English language: the difference between its and it's.

I understand where the confusion comes from. It seems counter intuitive that the dog chews its bone (not it's bone) since we've always been taught that the apostrophe indicates ownership. Isn't it the dog's bone? I hear ya, believe me, but trust your geeky friend on this one and go with this rule:

it is=it's
it has= it's


Use its for everything else. That's all there is to it.

So for the quote above, do you see the problem? It got it's right the second time, but the first its should be it's too.

Grammar Wall of Shame: Per cent or Percent?

There are several percentages here. But if we follow their pattern, there are several per cent ages. Yikes.

I'm pretty sure the average reader on ZDNet is as fluent in HTML code as I am in English, so I'm going to give them a break on this one. They can stick with computer geekiness and I'll stick with language geekiness.

Note--geekiness is technically not a word but one of my favorite rules of language is that when you know the rules, you can break them for stylistic reasons. Plus, it gets me off the hook when I make mistakes. Always a plus.

Note two--I used the Paint program for the first time for the photo included here. Shazam! Watch out, ZDNet!

8 Miles Every Day (everyday error)

A headline in this video says "Over 34 Years, 8 Miles Everyday."

And then this one: I see this mistake all the time (every day, it seems). Yes, it's an everyday occurrence. So I'll tell you the rule here again:

If you can substitute each day then it should be two words.
--Please use this word correctly every day.

*If it modifies a noun, it should be one word.
Join this campaign of everyday people and use these words correctly.
I know I'm only one woman, but I believe that everyday folks can make a difference.

Scrutiny (skrōōt'n-ē): the act of examining something closely

So I was reading CNN this morning...scutinizing it, you might say, when I came across a story with an ironic grammatical gem: "Drew Peterson found himself under media and police scutiny after..."

Though no definition for scutiny can be found at dictionary.com, one definition for scrutiny is "the act of examining something closely (as for mistakes)."

Despite many strongly-worded petitions, there is still not a law on the books against grammatical errors in mainstream news outlets, so we'll let the police off the hook on this one. I do hope, however, that the media scrutiny into this case was a bit more rigorous than the effort that went into spell checking this caption.

"Hash browns" anyone?

I have to agree with Roboto when he expresses his hesitance to "try" the "hash browns."

Roboto submitted this photo in response to "Crazy" Quotations.

Flash 55: Playing Possum

Flash 55s are fun fiction pieces in exactly 55 words. To join in the fun (and it is fun), visit Mr. Knowitall. This week's is called Playing Possum:

He sat. I paced. She scolded.

“You shot a possum at point-blank range in the garage?” she said, not knowing yet that I had encouraged the pursuit.

“It seemed like a good idea,” our 14-year-old shrugged.

“To both of us,” I said, taking the hose and shovel from her hands, “You didn’t see his teeth.”